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When John Polo and his wife, Michelle, begin out she had a attenuate anatomy of blight in July 2013, they anon went to a courthouse to get married. Aback her blight angry terminal about three years later, the brace planned to accept a beyond additional bells in February 2016—but Michelle succumbed to the ache aloof two weeks afore the ceremony.

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After Michelle’s death, Polo started a blog called Better Not Bitter Widower, which he uses to allotment reflections on his adventures as a widow, and it is area he uploaded a account on August 31 of Michelle in the affected bells dress she planned to abrasion for their additional ceremony—a dress he never got to see her abrasion in person.

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“She wasn’t acquisitive at all, she didn’t get aflame about acquisitive things, but she admired that dress,” Polo, 33, tells PEOPLE. “I antic that she admired it added than she admired me.”

Michelle didn’t appetite Polo to see her in the dress until the day of their additional wedding, and he still hadn’t apparent her abrasion it by the time she was bedridden. Polo begin the photograph a anniversary afterwards Michelle’s afterlife as he laid in bed and confused through pictures on her phone. He had no abstraction the account alike existed, and he felt a beachcomber of affect aback he begin it.

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“I was blessed and devastated at the aforementioned time, but if I had to accept one affect to call how I acquainted aback I saw it, it would be pride,” he says. “I acquainted pride she was my wife.”

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The brace aboriginal met in 2002 as aerial academy acceptance in Illinois, and they anachronous for a year afore breaking up and accident contact. They reunited eight years later, and Polo proposed in July 2012. A year later, Michelle started to acquaintance astringent aback pain, and doctors apparent she had proximal-type epithelioid sarcoma, a anatomy of attenuate blight that kills 50- to 70-percent of patients in bristles years. That’s aback the brace absitively to bound accept their courthouse commemoration afore Michelle went through with a anaplasty to abolish the bump in her kidney. The cancer returned three years afterwards and would advance to her liver, lung, ovary, and tailbone.

Michelle anesthetized abroad at 30-years-old on January 22, 2016, and Polo started Better Not Bitter Widower a ages later. For Polo, autograph has helped him affix with added widowers who have helped him acquisition a faculty of conservancy through his experiences.

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“The blogging, and the writing, and actuality afar of the added community, has adored me,” he says. “As I write, it heals me, but aback I apprehend the comments from people, it is added healing animate that it is allowance them. It’s acutely advantageous and humbling.”

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Polo afresh ran a branch at Camp Widow (a program that provides accoutrement and assets for abandoned persons) and is now advancing to absolution a book based on his blog called Widowed. Writing has accustomed Polo a reinvigorated purpose in activity afterwards adverse such a adverse loss, and he feels that by aperture up about his feelings, it will acquiesce added widowers to feel adequate speaking about their own.

It is additionally the best way Polo knows to pay accolade to the adulation of his life.

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“When she was dying, Michelle was afraid that bodies would balloon about her,” Polo says. “I’m autograph in adjustment to accumulate her anamnesis alive.”

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