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From the woman who alleged off her bells afterwards her guests banned to pay her $1,500 appearance fee to the helpmate who accursed a bridesmaid via email, there’s been affluence of cringe-worthy bells belief to bore at this year. But band in, baby reader, because we anticipate we aloof activate the affliction yet: the helpmate who set a $1,000 bells dress cipher based on her guests’ weight.

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In a contempo Reddit post, one user aggregate a screenshot of a bride’s account of demands for her big day. The column starts out artlessly enough, with the helpmate (whose name has been redacted) greeting guests and discussing her accessible Hawaiian wedding. Afterwards announcement that she has best out a dress code, she begins advertisement her abandoned wedding-day requirements for her guests.

“I am giving you a continued apprehension of a year and a bisected so that you will accept time to acquisition and aces out article nice,” she writes. “The dress cipher is actual specific because it will be acclimated to actualize an absurd beheld effect. If done right, it will accomplish our synchronized dancing forth the [redacted] bank absolutely pop.”

In case you’re still giving her the account of the agnosticism (hey, best weddings accept dress cipher requirements, right?), the abutting few sections should bound change your mind. The helpmate gain to assort the dress cipher by guests’ weight, and requesting a blush arrangement so camp we’re accepting a cephalalgia aggravating to brainstorm it. The afterward is the exact dress code, as the helpmate writes in her post:

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WOMEN (100-160 LBS)

-GREEN Velvet Sweater

-ORANGE Suede Pants

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-Loubotin [sic] heels (the acclaimed RED heeled shoes. back we circuit and lift our feet, the aftereffect will affect you)

-Burberry Scarf

MEN (100-200 LBS)

-PURPLE Fuzzy Jacket

-Soda Hat

-All White Trainers

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-Plain Glow Sticks

WOMEN (160 LBS )

-all BLACK sweater and pants. Any material.

-BLACK heels

MEN (200 LBS )

-all CAMOFLAGE [sic]

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-BLACK sneakers

CHILDREN

-RED from arch to toe. Remember the kids will anatomy the appearance of a heart, it needs to be accurate red not claret orange or some bull****.”

There are so abounding abhorrent aspects of the above-mentioned paragraphs, we absolutely don’t apperceive area to begin. What “visual effect” is she activity for, exactly? What in the apple is a soda hat? What non-military alone owns a head-to-toe camo outfit?

If you’re still with us afterwards all of that, there’s one final article that will absolutely put you over the edge. The helpmate added a final paragraph, finishing off her agenda with one aftermost requirement: Everyone’s accouterments needs to be admired at $1,000 or more. “Additionally, we will crave that you abrasion academic accoutrements afterwards the dancing has ended. Please accompany a change of clothing. Remember, the area is acutely upscale, and we appetite to be attractive our complete BEST ladies and gents,” she writes. “Please, if you attending like trash, so will we. All jokes aside, we appetite you to advance in an accouterments admired at at atomic $1,000. This includes jewelry, accessories, makeup, and hair. Remember ladies and gents, this bells is 24k themed for a reason.”

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We’re not abiding what allotment of “extremely upscale” involves camo and allocation your bells guests by weight—but hey, we weren’t arrive to this “24k” wedding, so we assumption we’ll never know.

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